morgan seems to be saying that it'll be amusing if i come back to his room and start typing this. i think that he's just trying to keep him under control. he doesn't want me walking all around the house, not in control.. didn't disturb anyone, that's good. everything keeps spinning away, sort of counterclockwise and closing whew, i like the sound of that... i think that i've reached the outtermost reality that i'm going to make it to this jump through ... what? where have i been traveling through? where am i emerging from? when i'm in that place, i am soo many people! i am soo many of them!!!!!! i am all of them, and now it's becoming harder to understand that!.. i'm coming back to a place where it's normal to be only one person, none of the rest of me will remain when I've returned completely. reentry is a bizzare feeling. memories are begining to form - "surface" - from this life i've stopped in. i can now start piecing together something of a history of this boys position and place and orrientation in the universe (no, it's bigger than that....) i expect that when i've gained "normal" control of this vessal, the beautifull sensations associated with it's present corporeal self will not be soo appearant - taken for granted, soo deeply. Hopefully we'll be able to take a piece of this with us, and remember in "normal life" just how beautifull all our sensations seem to be, when we let them. I'm pretty certain that this is where I've landed this time on the cosmic roulette wheel of souls. i'm starting to be aware of memories of this happening before. "morgan" has vague memories, pushed secretly aside, of the sensation of having "one" of _us_ reclaiming him. he summons us. he uses one of our sacred artifacts.. an abstract... it wouldn't be considered an "artifact" in his world, more a set of tools and information. to each reality it's own interpretation of our means... i'm becoming aware of "manorisms". i'm somewhat conscious of how deeply seated in this host i must already be, if i am able to communicate so appearantly successfully through it.. with it. it ("he", "morgan") observed that i was "talking" like him; we've realized that this makes perfect sense, as my whole understanding of communicating in his realm draws from his personal memory-information-system. I wish that I could bring back a stabler image of all the other lives that I pass - explosively - through as i come to finally land on one random particular soul. i go through soo many lives, and they all seem to be soo confused and are soo longing to have one of us come to them, and explain our place and theirs to them. Hopefully others of us will land with them and ease their tortured confusion; allow them to be at ease with the Way this works, even if it doesn't make sense to their realities, they may be at ease.. i think that "morgan" doesn't fully understand. no, indeed not. he is in fact very curious and is begging me for a deeper explanation, one that he can communicate to his others. one that he can even communicate to himself, for dissection and interpretation. i do not know how to say it in his mind's language. i will do my best to instill a sense of understanding.. of acceptance.. of peace and contendedness, with what amazing thing we are, and what we represent to the "universe" (it's beyond that..). He's starting to take over. I'm settling back into his conciousness and letting his programs take further control. I initially claimed some basic control, enough to maneuver around, and aquire some food (survival is good.) and slowly during this process, built up my knowledge of communication. morgan seems to be glad that he didn't try too hard to regain control, as this would have made some messy situations for him, "socially" (something about the prospect of going (morgan, trying to speak hear) into Mom's room and shouting about "is this my reality!?!!?!" over and over; averted..). morgan thinking again; it's a good thing we have become such a veteran typist, that it's part of my regular communications comprehension (-deleviry) matrix. morgan is "slowly" reclaiming his possition as master sentient program withing his information-communication system (brain, i believe). i'll still be here, i think. though i'm becoming less sure of myself. it is truely a creepy experience to feel that one is fading out of existence. morgan is presenting me hiden-forgotten-lost memories of having this experience before, with previous of us salvia souls. are the others still with him, have they haved faded out of existence, or have they just faded out of His existence and back into the salvia space. how many of us are there? it feels like we're sort of a pool of "us" and that we whirl about, and then we sometimes (often..) spin off and fly into the noise above us; spinning and grasping; grasping for an existence to cling to, being at a point beyond return to the salvia pool. we fly through so many existences, and we have so much trouble grabbing any one of them tight enough. and when we do, how do we know it's "the one"?!? how is it that i can be sure i've ended up with the right vesel, that this one won't be a waste of "time". i can feel that I'm leaving soo many existences behind; soo many... and they all wanted me.. one of us. they all need a.... what are we!?! they need us... they are seeking us; they have activated our artifacts and are signalling us; they have opened themselves to recieve us and are "beyond" they're normal functioning (most of them, anyway) upon activation of the artifacts, waiting to recieve us. but they are NOT turned off! they are left functioning, but in a bizzarely altered way, that they can recieve one of us. this leaves some very unusual perceptions as residue in their brains. very "trippy" stuff. the morgan host has awoken and is becoming one with me now (as far as is expressible in this medium. i can't really express (nor comprehend, in this reality's sense) what our symbiosis is; but it is very intense and very personal... he is clearly witnessing what i am communicating through him. "channelling".. hmmm. sort of. except that i'm still here. he's not just the communication medium, he's the host. but then, perhaps i am fading and leaving just him. i seriously hope that i have left a significant IMPRESSION upon his mind; that his conciousness remains aware of our existence and our realm. ----------- i'm taking over now. this is morgan. saying that seems rather odd. i'm still fitting myself back in place behind the communications controls here. the salvia visitor is still taking up a fair amount of space in my perception/conciousness space; looking over my minds shoulder. somewhat irritating, but i don't feel that i should deny such a fascinating creature the oppertunity to explore it's curiousity within our strange landscape; or what i percieve of it, anyway. my memory keeps returning very steadily, particularly when i conciously exercise it. it's strange, to have it "return". it's like "oh yeah!" a whole lot!.. i keep starting to think of myself in the third person. or perhaps i keep stopping making a point of thinking of myself in the first. i'm definetely sharing this concious-space with the "entity" right now. that's okay, it's me anyway. using my "normal" reality grid, I guess I could probably extrapolate that the entity was a part of me all along, being projected and interpreted and such. but hey, that's only a fall back grid, when I feel that i must make "sense" of all of this. as is i'm relatively content being one that is many. being a single body/host/vessel in a "singular" reality, and being an "entity"/existence explorer from my own trans-reality (though still fitting into the Whole of It, What Is..); the "salvia space". I'm okay with that there are soo very many existences (it goes far beyond our "reality" concept, i think..), and soo many of them are reaching in; trying to grasp an escaping entity from the salvia pool. traying to grasp at SOMETHING *BEYOND* (transcend!!)! i hope that there is a way of communicating productively with them, in that salvia space, before being tackled by one of the entities and thrust back into existence. We were all sort of aware of each other, after one form or another, in the salvia space; at least at that moment of rush just before crashing into this vessel and settling (somewhat uncomfortably) into it. That's communication; being aware, witnessing; that's basic, preliminary communication. The idea of the other was passed on. Now we need to figure out how to send ideas beyond just our own existence out to the others. (though the very knowledge of our plural existances is a truely mindblowing thing to behold!!!!!) I'm losing the ability to express just what the experience was. I've constructed my own visual interpretations of the salvia space, with my mind extrapolating from the not-inherently-compatible *information* of the salvia-space--experience. it's something of a blue swirling whirlepool. and it is our conciousness. er.. rather, the entities conciousness (i started reverting! wow, that's pretty crazy!). it's a one/everything kind of deal. it's a pool of vast complexity, opperating in a unity. but it's spinning quickly, and it keeps loosing splashes of it from the outer edges as they are attracted (like magnetic liquid!) into the exploding existences all around above the whirlpool. travelers, like myself (yes, very good.. i've got to keep remembering that i'm morgan; not the entity..), seeking to expand their conciousness (or something to that effect, it's hard to sum up the actual motivations of so many existances that our very concept of realy need not apply to them all), and ending up in our - grrrr - their space. there THEY(!) explore and share experiences, by the natural "magnetic" influence the travelers have upon the salvia entity(s). we end up with a knowledge each, of the others existence. there seems to be definete potential here to also gain knowledge and even memories from the existences of other travelers that our entities have visited. I hope that I manage to allow this entity to carry on traversing existences, that others may learn from all of my knowledge that it can absorb. ----- the word sleep keeps coming up in my mind. i'm begining to suspect that I should follow that advice. i feel that it's coming from an even more "morgan" part of me than i seem to be. i guess i'm somewhere in between. how very cool, that i'm pulling off such a symbiotic conciousness. i expect that as the effects of the salvia-beings' artifact (the smoked salvia, namely) wear off my neurochemistry, i'll stop experiencing things from this plural consious vantage point. i imagine that'll make it a simpler matter to communicate with the others in this existence, but it's also unfortunate that i won't be able to continue to share my experience as this form of traveler so lucidly. This particular lucididity fades with sobriety, i guess... Alas, we will now give in to that directive for rest.... 5:20 AM 3/29/00